8 December 2014

I Thought I Wasn't Interested In Enlightenment. I Was Wrong.

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I used to think that I wasn't interested in enlightenment.

But as it turns out...

I was wrong.

I thought that 'enlightenment' meant that I needed to live a life of non-wanting, of complete and utter non-reaction, of such extreme zen that I would be stripped of everything that makes me... me.

I equated liberation with perfection.

I liked the density of this human experience and I would think to myself:

I just want to be human. I want to experience the world through these five senses... That's enough for me.

It's not enough for me.

I am more in my body than ever before, more grateful and optimistic and able to dissolve limiting and tribal beliefs than ever before. I do feast on Life with my senses, but...

I am majorly interested in burning up my karma. (I hazard a guess that that means: forgiveness a plenty. Lucky that I love the state of forgiveness and would rather let go than hold on.)

I am enchanted  by the notion that God(dess) is within me.

I know now that I don't need to renounce. Kundalini yoga is teaching me that I wasn't sent here to 'lose my loin cloth,' but instead, to co-create a spectacular reality; to manifest at and with Divine Will.

But also, I'm here to disintegrate and lift and free everything that's burdened me in lives long before this one, my childhood, happenings of previous years to this that have been incredibly, shall we say, toxic.

I am interested in enlightenment.

I'm not  trying to escape my human condition.

I am here. And there is nowhere that I'd rather be...

But I sense where I came from.

And I sense where I'm going.

And I like the idea of putting the cycle – of lifetimes, of repeated lessons,  of karma – to rest.

I like the concept of Coming Home, for the last time, finally.

Without having to learn more, or figure more stuff out, or try and translate the human condition.

I like the idea of welcoming my spiritual assignments with enthusiasm, while feasting on the human-ness of this life.

But make no mistake...

I have my eyes (all three of them!) devotedly set on liberating myself. (Whatever that means.)

These feet of mine - that are broad and arch-y and rough around the edges -  are planted firmly on this Earth Mother, and she feels good down here. But my gaze rests knowingly up; my chin lifted, to the Sky Father above the clouds.

enlightenment 2

I am interested in enlightenment.

I don't need to know what that entails. I don't have to follow the rule of the guru. I will follow the scripture in my heart. I will do as the teachings of Abraham communicate and 'shoot out rockets of desire.'

And I will write about this and live this and do my best to put this into as much vocabulary as I can muster for anyone who wants to join me.

Sat nam. Namaste. Peace out.

T xo

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    • 8 December 2014


      I just recently read "Autobiography of a Yogi" and although it was an AMAZING read it left me riddled with guilt.
      It made me feel like denying my humanity is the only path to spiritual awakening.

      But now you come along at the perfect time and put that silliness to rest.

      I too am so grateful to be having this human experience and am not keen to deny any aspect of it. But enlightment that freaking excites me too.


    • 8 December 2014

      "I have my eyes (all three of them!) devotedly set on liberating myself (what that means)"- THIS is why I love you.

      I just adore the way you write, beautiful. It's like I'm sitting having a chat and a chai right next to you- so pure and effervescent- xxx

    • 9 December 2014

      I've always thought of enlightenment as no longer identifying with the ego (which sounds fantastic) but I like the distinction you make that we can still enjoy all the richness of our human experience as well- which is so beautiful in it's own right. I love your constant curiosity, never stopping to settle on any one definition in life.

    • 9 December 2014

      Love this post. Something i've experienced myself too. I've been there denying myself the joy of clothes that make me feel good and allow me to express myself. Ive turned my back on doing my hair and makeup because I was confused that this was the ego at work rather than allowing myself to joyfully adorn my face.

      Im so in the Kundalini Teacher training. I'll send her an email.


    • 10 December 2014

      This. Is. Beautiful. I just finished your book last night. Woah, sister! I am just so thankful I discovered your work when I did; syncronicity is definitely at work. Your words on devotion really affected me and this morning I brought that devotion into my practice (via the beautiful chants of Krishna Das). Man, it was beautiful. I too, am more devoted to my Source than ever and want only to live in the light of my truest self. Thank you for being a beacon of light, of devotion, of love. xxx p.s I have just discovered Kundalini through Tommy Rosen's work and am excited to learn more about your journey with it.

    • 10 December 2014

      'We walk the earth with our eyes turned skyward, for there we have been, so we long to return'

      Love your words Tara x

    • 11 December 2014

      As always the timing of this post is perfect Tara!

      At the beginning of the year I set myself the challenge of going through A Course In Miracles this year. I wanted to do one of the 365 lessons each day so that on New Year's Eve I would be at the final lesson.

      I started out very motivated but I eventually somehow stopped doing it. I wasn't ready. More to the point I was not doing it for the right reasons and it felt forced.

      However, in the last week I have picked it up again. Not because I felt like I should but because I felt guided to. I feel ready. I feel devoted. I have begun at the beginning of both the text and the lessons for students.

      Even though I am still re reading the part of the Course that I have already read, I feel like I'm reading it for the first time. I'm getting it now, whereas before I wasn't. As a result of reading the Course I have been thinking along very similar lines as you describe so beautifully in this post. It's always nice to have your own thoughts reaffirmed for you by another. Thanks for sharing this post.

      Nicola x x

    • 11 December 2014

      Its funny I've almost always seen it as kind of the opposite- enlightenment as a very human condition and all the other ego driven external stuff as stripping away from our truly human selves. Many of the people I know that are anti enlightenement are also quite cold people who struggle to even feel things and never acknowledge their true selves. I love your term of 'coming home' because that's exactly how I see it too and the more I do the more comfortable I am in myself which is such a beautiful thing :)

    • Kat
      19 December 2014

      Have you had your Akashic record read? That is REALLY interesting! I love how unlocking past lives can show us so much about what's going on in our present.... well... it did for me anyway :)

      great post!

      x Kat

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