12 August 2014

Dropping Your Story VS Accepting What Is

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Everyone in the personal growth space has something to say about story, and the way in which your stories may be running your life.

Some folks out there – like the brilliant Brené Brown – encourage us to own and claim our stories, and selectively choose who to share them with, as though they're secrets laced with sacredness.

Other institutions – like Landmark, for example – insist that our stories are ultimately illusions; binding us to a world of smallness and excuses and victimhood and unrealised potential.

(Just as a side note: I was speaking to a Landmark lad while I was in LA, and he broke out into an enthusiastic sermon on how the experience helped him 'blow his ego to smithereens.' Hhhmmm. Not my approach, that's for sure. (I'm of the belief that the ego – while being challenging at times – is divine and incredibly useful, and is lessened with love, not weapons). Nothing against Landmark, by the way. I've never been there, never done that, can't pass judgment).

As for the story spectrum, I cosily nestle myself somewhere in between the sliding scale of 'empowerment' and 'illusion.'

Our stories can point to self-actualisation, or, they can be poisonous.

This video explores this in a little more depth, and I just know that it's going to send off a lightbulb or two for you.


I also feel the need to mention that some identities can create positive addictions in our life.

Some identities, once embodied and paired with a feel-good addiction that leaves us in a state of cell-permeated blessing, may in fact point to our highest truth and expression in this lifetime.

The lighthouse.

The writer.

The yogini.

These are all things I identify with, but more that, they're a living prayer.


Now, in the comments:

1) Is there an identity or two you're ready to unravel out of?

2) Is there anything you need to acknowledge in this moment that you're not satisfied with?

3) Who do you need to be today to re-calibrate? What positive identity can be your living prayer?

Don't forget to share this insight with your friends :) Thank you.

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    • 12 August 2014

      Holy moly my dear. I could rattle on about how much a resonated with this until the cows come home, but I'll try and keep it brief.

      I identify so frickkin' much with the 'good girl' identity and I have all my life. I struggle with taking risks and I think it's because taking risks doesn't fit my persona- a 'good girl' wouldn't be so silly as to take the leap.

      Like you, I'm a recovering tom-boy and I'm slowly welcoming the feminine into my life. Boy (or should I say 'girl'), is it beautiful!

      I find that I label myself or put limits on myself very quickly, but your video has reminded me to go easy and examine them in a bit more depth.

      Just beautiful my love- love you! xx

    • Ashlee
      12 August 2014

      Hey Tara, as always... Brilliant and I love you xx

      1. I'm ready to let go of the following identity:

      "I'm Ash from Mount Gambier"

      2. I acknowledge that I'm not fully allowing myself to shine, by keeping my self safe living in my home town. I acknowledge that I'm playing small, feeling frustrated and this can also be quite lonely.

      3. I'm the adventurer

      Thank you again Tara, as always, I continue to learn so much from your story telling - love it!

      Ash xoxo

    • Bonita
      12 August 2014

      FAT. Because I keep identifying that I am overweight I keep gaining more and more weight and health issues mentally and physically. So today I made my profile picture a full body picture of myself instead of exhausting myself with the cutting out of pretty much all my body parts. Yes, like you said FUCK THAT! and I love fishing so much and have started a fishing page to inspire women http://www.facebook.com/hookherupfishingau Sometimes I want to close it down because I get anxious that I am not worthy to have this fishing page because 1, I am a woman, 2, I only usually fish landbased, (I dont have a boat), and 3, I am not a size 8 with tanned skin, and huge bolt on tits.. WELL FUCK THAT! No more of that BULLSHIT! Just realised nothing is gonna work unless I actually BE ME. Stop labelling myself all these nasty things.. 25 years old next month and it's time. P.s I love swearing and have always tried not to swear because I shouldn't FUCK THAT! I love the F bomb.. and I have always been a LOUD person and my friends and FAMILY would always tell me I AM TOOOOOOO LOUD, so I've tried to be so quiet for so long. Well you know what I can learn to be calm and LOUD at the same time. Wow. Best way to start the day. Thanks MissBliss. I fucking LOVE you too.

    • 12 August 2014

      Today I am releasing the identity of the woman who wants to achieve everything all on her own. In carrying the world on my shoulders and wanting to do it all by myself without the help of others, I am self sabotaging my success and happiness, and am weighing myself down with so many extra responsibilities and high expectations. From here on, I want to welcome support and guidance into my life, so that I can nurture my other positive identity which is a learner/student of the world. I want to constantly open my eyes to new ways of thinking and soak up the teachings that this world has to offer, and in releasing the 'superwoman' identity that no longer serves me, I can invite support into my life and hence create space in my life to seek and learn.

      Just saying this out loud brings on such a wave of relief and calmness. Thank you Tara! xx

    • Michaela
      12 August 2014

      Love this ,Tara! Your posts always blow me away.

      Much love,

    • Shawna
      12 August 2014

      I *think* this might be my first time commenting... But I felt compelled to put myself out there and share my truth... Thank you for offering a safe and loving space for just this.

      1) Is there an identity or two you’re ready to unravel out of?
      It's not one word really, but a mentality. I re-launched my blog recently, and have experienced some really deep, raw breakthroughs in what I believe, what my gifts are, and what I'm called to do. And just as a deeply intimate, raw, honest, call to action post goes live on Wednesday, and a courageously honest post about my authentic self went live today, I've been struggling with my differentness, my otherworldliness, and been desperately seeking acknowledgment and approval from those I've shared this with. It's toxic, it's eating me up, and I know it's the exact opposite of what I should be focusing on. I'm ready to drop this mindset of only being worthy because someone noticed, saw, acknowledged.

      2) Is there anything you need to acknowledge in this moment that you’re not satisfied with?
      I'm not satisfied with my lack of self-care, self-responsibility, self-love, and self-acknowledgment. I know I need to take care of my self - every part of me - and from a healing place I will find the courage to operate in my gifts and calling, and the creativity within will flow out and through.

      3) Who do you need to be today to re-calibrate? What positive identity can be your living prayer?
      I'm taking on a lot of efforts to work on myself these days, to embrace and accept who I most deeply am, and to walk courageously in that truth. I'm hoping to take part in Belinda's School of the Modern Mystic and got to hear her Master Class today, and this really resonated with me - I am energy, and it's from my energy that my reality is created. My power comes from within, to change my energy, and change my life.

      Thank you for all the ways you are boldly and courageously sharing your truths Tara!

      With love,

      Shawna - http://www.shawnaathome.com

    • Leanne
      12 August 2014

      Shit Tara - YES!

      I am just about to write a blog post on what labels are and whether we really need them or not! This is awesome stuff, and so liberating

      Thank you xo

    • Dani
      12 August 2014

      AHH Tara this blog post is so perfect for me today! Just what I needed to get my butt moving! Today I am acknowledging...

      1) That I am ready to unravel out of being lonely and needing someone else to make my life full and complete and secondly that I am afraid of being my true and authentic self in fear of people not understanding me, or bringing me down.

      2) That in this moment that I am not satisfied with allowing this to continually trip me up and keep me searching for happiness when I wake up happy everyday anyway. It drives me crazy that something I want makes me forget what I have at times.

      3) Today I need to be free and breathe. I need to find myself again, give myself attention and drop all expectations and release all efforts of controlling the future.

      Thanks Tara! xx

    • 12 August 2014

      Oh girl, you got to so much good stuff in just 10 minutes!

      I totally relate to this. I have the story of not being good enough, not being successful, being the sweet and innocent girl, and lacking sensuality.

      Today, I'm releasing all of that. I am stepping into the successful me. The sensual me. The sweet & kind yet fiesty and full of truth me. I am good enough -- I can change my story at any time to help me move forward towards my dreams.

      big love to you, Tara, xo

    • Jenn
      12 August 2014


      It is SO empowering to be on the other side of your story or the label you have lived with. I was stuck in victim mode and labelled myself (through my inner dialogue) as a "survivor" of an abusive marriage and dwelled on how terrible it was and how hard life felt - and yes, it was hard! But as soon as I removed myself from the labels and took my story off of repeat, I began to see myself as the perfect and whole being I AM, I was FREE! Through forgiveness and loads of self-love it happened! Not broken, nothing needing to be fixed. SO grateful for my journey.

      Thanks you for your open heart always Tara!

      Much Love,
      Jenn xo

    • Katie
      13 August 2014

      I am ready to walk away from the identity that I am shy, unfunny, or boring. It's not true and it's not who I really am, but it's a script I play in my head around certain people. It makes me unsatisfied with how I interact with some of the people who matter most in my life. Those people are bright, beautiful and loud. I tend to shrink back in their presence sometimes out of the the shear fact that the literal volume of my voice isn't heard over theirs.

      In order to recalibrate that today I need to be fun and lighthearted. The more I practice letting go of my shy seriousness (without activators like alcohol) the more I will feel at ease in my funny self and my lighthearted boldness.

      My living prayer is my fun side.

    • Ariadne
      13 August 2014

      Hi Tara, that is such an beautiful way of contemplating about acceptance and dropping our stories. It makes me think of the yogic term samskara - which I loosely think of as scars or imprints from our stories/past experiences. As you were talking I was thinking that I think of it more as labelling what is now/acceptance and then letting go. I feel that you cannot let go of a story without labelling it, but like you say if you label the now, you then stop it from becoming a dangerous story.
      I love the way you talk about this, and I hope that it reaches loads of people who need to hear it. I certainly find that I have labelled myself in multiple ways (the calm one, the trusted one, the good girl, the academic one, and the list goes on and on). I constantly find these labels popping up and fighting them, only makes them stronger. So I acknowledge them and the power they might have had and then also choose to see an alternative side of me. Maybe we can allow space for all these sides of us to coincide - but they do not need to define us.
      Once again, thank you for sharing. The amount I resonate with you is incredible.
      Lots of love xx

    • Lauren
      13 August 2014

      Oh yes, I hold onto labels so much in my life. Growing up, I was always the 'smart' one or the perfectionist...all while wanting to be something else (which led into stories of shame and disordered eating..). Letting go of labels has always been hard for me, and in the past few years, but usually I build it up in my head. Letting go of vegetarianism seemed like a huge deal in my mind, but the people around me totally didn't care. I need to continue to let go of labels and just focus on who I am.

    • 13 August 2014

      You never take up too much time xo

    • 13 August 2014

      Hi Tara,:-)
      Love that subtility in perception of a story... being aware that this does not serve me anymore and just decide to yes drop it... instead of dealing with it. It makes so much sense in that time we are in. The energy now allows us to be in that space where we can decide for ouselves what kind of experience of life we want ot have. Time to get out of the victim aspect of our story and move on!

    • Alex @ True Femme
      19 August 2014

      Ok, so I've been through enough therapy and soul-searching and dark nights to not be afraid to put a name to the pain. I've admitted where I've been holding onto labels that wouldn't let me heal; like when I identified as being anorexic or my worth coming from my academic achievements. When I dropped those labels, I brought more into my life and was able to heal (woohoo recovery!) But Tara, this video made me realize that there is one label I haven't dropped, because I didn't even know it existed. To make a long story short, I loved a guy once and we were together for a few years (on and off) and I saw myself as "his girlfriend." The relationship ended two years ago this summer (I live in the northern hemi) and I've done the work to forgive him, forgive myself (mostly), and let go. What I didn't realize was that I kept that label, but instead of being his girl, I was his ex. Being "the ex" isn't something I realized I thought about myself, but it is. In the back of my mind, I've kept those memories of the mistakes I made and every time I attempt to move forward with love, that little voice tells me I'm not worthy because I couldn't make it work with him. I'm more than his ex and while I might be a part of his past, I'm a part of many others' presents. Maybe if I let go of the label of being his ex, I'd be able to open my heart to someone who is a better fit for me and my journey in this time. It takes a lot of courage for me to admit this and I have a rock in my stomach as I write it, but thank you for this video and opening up the space to have such a deep and important realization. <3

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