25 July 2012

A Series Of Confessions + My Day Of Healing

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You should know by now: I'm a story teller. I truly believe that in one way or another, either significantly or on a much subtler scale, that we (particularly as women) often experience similar realities simultaneously. I share stories of my own life with the intention that hopefully you'll relate and be able to find clarity. Today's story is no exception.

On Monday, my video blog on creating space for energy resonated with many of you. We're exhausted, over-stimulated and a little overwhelmed (the irony in this; if you're anything like me, it's an overload of the good stuff!). I confided in a friend yesterday that when I played back my video blog, I didn't recognise myself. To be completely honest, for the last week or so, I haven't recognised my reflection in the mornings either. Does this ever happen to you?


I watched myself on the screen with discomfort- my eyes dark and lifeless, my skin pasty white and breaking out, my face swollen and my posture hunched. Not so sexy. And not so conducive to my persistent message of vibrance and inner harmony. What happened?

The truth is, looking back, I haven't been very nice to myself recently. In fact, I've been a royal bitch. I have no idea what prompted this or how it happened (could this have anything to do with Mercury retrograde?), especially as I've been blogging my little heart out about all the good in life. The only reasonable solution I can come up with is that 100% of my energy has been directed at others. I've learnt the hard way that all it takes is a few days of self neglect and what manifests is problems Ive burdened myself with since I was 13: acne, fluctuating weight and unstable energy levels.

We all teach what we need to know most, and so I decided when I woke up yesterday morning, that now was the time to practice what I preach. It was time to show up in my own life and create some miracles.

What Went Down

I lay in bed, still half asleep in my partner's arms when I said- I really need to spend some time on myself today. I'm ready to feel better, I need to heal. He replied with- Good. Followed by a tight squeeze.
My partner made me a gigantic juice (I think it was pear, celery, red capsicum and ginger), I sipped it slowly and put the kettle on for what would be my first of about ten herbal teas for the day.
I gathered my current read (which is very appropriate for this time in my life), some guided meditations and a towel, and spent over an hour sweating, meditating, reading and yep, crying, in the sauna.
Let me elaborate on this crying thing: I was not for one second feeling sorry for myself. I experienced some chronic moments of self-realisation, where it became very clear to me that I've created all of my discomfort and disgust. I said yes to becoming overwhelmed, just as I said no to investing in myself. In my experience, sitting under that purple light with sweat pouring from my body and Gabby Bernstein's guided meditations sending tears streaming down my face, I reunited with my inner child face to face. The part of me that needs love and attention and nurturing. I had neglected her and subsequently broken her little heart. She cries out to me with acne and weight gain and an unappreciative view on life and the world. I started listening.

I followed my sauna session with a steamy hot shower and some affirmation work. I am so sorry. Let's heal together today. Today is for us. I am beautiful and grateful and I forgive myself. I let go.

I hopped in my track pants, sprayed green tea all over my face, devoured cup after cup of herbal tea with coconut oil, then created some sacred space in my room. A quick clean up, some soothing music, the smell of fresh cut flowers thanks to some soy candles, and closed curtains. I built myself a nest in my bed, hopped under the covers and placed a piece of rose quartz on my heart, with the intention that it would help me heal it and teach me how to love myself in this moment. Slowly but surely, I drifted off, until I woke at 3.30pm to get ready for work.

Then What?

Put simply, I bounced back into my day. I felt great having fasted all day on tea and a juice at breakfast. I looked in the mirror and saw hope. I recognise you. Don't worry. Everything is totally fine. I put half as much make up on as what I have been, and smiled as I walked upstairs for work. I ate my dinner v.e.r.y s.l.o.w.l.y. Before my day of healing I was well and truly riding the cold and flu train (along with everyone else on the mountain), but after I woke from my sleep, I felt all the yuck loosen up in my throat. It disappeared not long after. The most incredible part, is that all night, and right now as I write this, I can literally feel my heart beating as though it's trying to jump out of my chest. It feels strong, sturdy, powerful. I have no doubt that the inside work I did (apologising, forgiving, releasing), along with the aromas and rose quartz, balanced the energy in my heart chakra and brought it back to 'life'.

By the end of the night I looked like a totally different person. Hey you!

If you can relate to this story, then I urge you to do the following: focus on hydrating (it brought my shine back), spend moments in self reflection and for the love of God, download Gabrielle Bernsteins meditations. They'll blow you away and have you crying in no time. Crying = releasing old energy = magical, powerful miracles.

I wholeheartedly believe that there's a supreme, wholesome sexiness in allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. I used to lock my tears up behind steel bars, but these days, I let them pour. If we can get real, get truly honest with ourselves and make eye contact with our obstacles, the sooner we can over come them. If we can be brave enough to endure those moments of darkness and release silent tears, energy will change and shift and transform into a message. If we can offer ourselves sincere and tear-filled apologies while simultaneously forgiving ourselves with love, the healing begins.

Decide to heal. Decide to be vulnerable. Decide to be your own best friend.

Also, decide to leave a comment below and take a moment to allow your vulnerability to express itself!

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    • Jessica Nazarali
      25 July 2012

      OH MY GOODNESS. Perhaps I need to do all of the above? I've had this feeling of "I'm falling behind" for the past week, although I'm not exactly sure how I'm falling behind? AND I know there is no such thing as "falling behind" anyway but I still can't seem to shake the feeling. Thanks for sharing lovely and take care of yourself xox

    • Emily
      25 July 2012

      You lovely soul!! Sometimes we all need a good cry :)

      I hope you can give yourself a big hug and thank yourself for recognising that you needed some more time spent on self-care and letting go.

      The last few days have left me feeling a little off too, big life shifts and re-evaluations = a few tears. As they say though, salt water is the cure for everything - either sweat, tears or the sea.

      Virtual hugs, hope you're having a blissful evening now xo

    • 25 July 2012

      Simply beautiful. Meditation is way too under-rated. When I stop doing it and refocusing my mind, I lose myself and just like you, I dont recognise my reflection.

      Though I am not good at meditating at home, I practise twice a week in a class.

    • 25 July 2012

      Oh Tara!
      So honest, so lovely. It's kind of amazing how quickly we can create change in ourselves when we finally align our intentions and our actions just right and listen to our insides speak.
      I'm glad you're feeling wonderful again, and so glad you shared the shittiness too! I think sometimes it's easy to think that writing about that side of life is shameful or something, but it's *so* not. It's about truth and healing and generosity of spirit...
      Muchos amore amigo!!!
      (PS just sent you an email!)

    • 25 July 2012

      Hey honey, I am so so proud of you. To live in vulnerability and with an open heart is just the strongest and most courageous thing you can do. I have been having moments like this as well - I neglect to listen to my soul and it cries out to me in the form of weight gain, skin breakouts and even indigestion. I used to live with a closed heart and it wasn't till a shift happened this year that I opened my heart. And that is the best decision I have ever made, because I have had so many great experiences come to me because of this. I love that you talk about the rose quartz healing your heart chakra, because that day I was "pulled" to a rose quartz, and when I held it in my hands I felt a deep sense of inspiration, like I needed the rose quartz in my life!!

      What a great message in a great time - definitely resonating with it. :) Love you! xx

    • 25 July 2012

      beautiful Tara... lessons that come from grappling with imperfection are so much more powerful that abstract teachings... x Catherine

    • Lindsay Loves Veggies
      26 July 2012

      You're always so amazing and inspiring! This post is absolutely beautiful. Sometimes I feel like I need more me time, but I'm never quite sure where to start. I'm definitely going to try those guided meditations though!

    • 25 July 2012

      Wow I think you are right nearly every person in my life (including myself until recently) is feeling this way right now! I too founded myself meditating (and crying) while holding my selinite and rose quartz crystals & the message that came through was pure, unconditional love. Since this experience i have do much clarity & it is getting stronger daily. Thank you so much for sharing Tara & I'm so glad your glow is coming back! Keep shining honey xxx

    • 25 July 2012

      Wow I think you are right nearly every person in my life (including myself until recently) is feeling this way right now! I too founded myself meditating (and crying) while holding my selinite and rose quartz crystals & the message that came through was pure, unconditional love. Since this experience i have do much clarity & it is getting stronger daily. Thank you so much for sharing Tara & I'm so glad your glow is coming back! Keep shining honey xxx

    • 25 July 2012

      It reminds me of that Tegan and Sara song, "nobody likes to, but I really like to cry". Crying is awesome. It's such a release. One thing I find as a songwriter is that if I'm not confronting my issues on a regular basis, the ideas I have are lifeless. Because if you don't face your own shit, how are you supposed to inspire others to face theirs? Just some thoughts. :)

    • 26 July 2012

      Girls thank you so much, you're all so supportive and encouraging. This wasn't an easy post to write but I think it's important to appreciate the dark times. It's not all lollipops and rainbows and we can celebrate the failures too. x

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