You should know by now: I'm a story teller. I truly believe that in one way or another, either significantly or on a much subtler scale, that we (particularly as women) often experience similar realities simultaneously. I share stories of my own life with the intention that hopefully you'll relate and be able to find clarity. Today's story is no exception.
The truth is, looking back, I haven't been very nice to myself recently. In fact, I've been a royal bitch. I have no idea what prompted this or how it happened (could this have anything to do with Mercury retrograde?), especially as I've been blogging my little heart out about all the good in life. The only reasonable solution I can come up with is that 100% of my energy has been directed at others. I've learnt the hard way that all it takes is a few days of self neglect and what manifests is problems Ive burdened myself with since I was 13: acne, fluctuating weight and unstable energy levels.
We all teach what we need to know most, and so I decided when I woke up yesterday morning, that now was the time to practice what I preach. It was time to show up in my own life and create some miracles.
What Went Down
I lay in bed, still half asleep in my partner's arms when I said- I really need to spend some time on myself today. I'm ready to feel better, I need to heal. He replied with- Good. Followed by a tight squeeze.
My partner made me a gigantic juice (I think it was pear, celery, red capsicum and ginger), I sipped it slowly and put the kettle on for what would be my first of about ten herbal teas for the day.
I gathered my current read (which is very appropriate for this time in my life), some guided meditations and a towel, and spent over an hour sweating, meditating, reading and yep, crying, in the sauna.
Let me elaborate on this crying thing: I was not for one second feeling sorry for myself. I experienced some chronic moments of self-realisation, where it became very clear to me that I've created all of my discomfort and disgust. I said yes to becoming overwhelmed, just as I said no to investing in myself. In my experience, sitting under that purple light with sweat pouring from my body and Gabby Bernstein's guided meditations sending tears streaming down my face, I reunited with my inner child face to face. The part of me that needs love and attention and nurturing. I had neglected her and subsequently broken her little heart. She cries out to me with acne and weight gain and an unappreciative view on life and the world. I started listening.
I followed my sauna session with a steamy hot shower and some affirmation work. I am so sorry. Let's heal together today. Today is for us. I am beautiful and grateful and I forgive myself. I let go.
I hopped in my track pants, sprayed green tea all over my face, devoured cup after cup of herbal tea with coconut oil, then created some sacred space in my room. A quick clean up, some soothing music, the smell of fresh cut flowers thanks to some soy candles, and closed curtains. I built myself a nest in my bed, hopped under the covers and placed a piece of rose quartz on my heart, with the intention that it would help me heal it and teach me how to love myself in this moment. Slowly but surely, I drifted off, until I woke at 3.30pm to get ready for work.
Put simply, I bounced back into my day. I felt great having fasted all day on tea and a juice at breakfast. I looked in the mirror and saw hope. I recognise you. Don't worry. Everything is totally fine. I put half as much make up on as what I have been, and smiled as I walked upstairs for work. I ate my dinner v.e.r.y s.l.o.w.l.y. Before my day of healing I was well and truly riding the cold and flu train (along with everyone else on the mountain), but after I woke from my sleep, I felt all the yuck loosen up in my throat. It disappeared not long after. The most incredible part, is that all night, and right now as I write this, I can literally feel my heart beating as though it's trying to jump out of my chest. It feels strong, sturdy, powerful. I have no doubt that the inside work I did (apologising, forgiving, releasing), along with the aromas and rose quartz, balanced the energy in my heart chakra and brought it back to 'life'.
By the end of the night I looked like a totally different person. Hey you!
If you can relate to this story, then I urge you to do the following: focus on hydrating (it brought my shine back), spend moments in self reflection and for the love of God, download Gabrielle Bernsteins meditations. They'll blow you away and have you crying in no time. Crying = releasing old energy = magical, powerful miracles.
I wholeheartedly believe that there's a supreme, wholesome sexiness in allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. I used to lock my tears up behind steel bars, but these days, I let them pour. If we can get real, get truly honest with ourselves and make eye contact with our obstacles, the sooner we can over come them. If we can be brave enough to endure those moments of darkness and release silent tears, energy will change and shift and transform into a message. If we can offer ourselves sincere and tear-filled apologies while simultaneously forgiving ourselves with love, the healing begins.
Decide to heal. Decide to be vulnerable. Decide to be your own best friend.
Also, decide to leave a comment below and take a moment to allow your vulnerability to express itself!