So, I'm smiling right now.
Because I've just written this post, and I'm sensing – in this moment – how sweet it is to return to this space.
It feels different here already.
I'm trying to put my finger on why; what has changed in my life and within me over the last two months?
So very, very much.
I have grown, and I feel like a grown up, and it feels so good to witness and experience the woman in me growing older and more discerning, more all-loving. Yep. That's what all this change has been about.
That's it for the intro - there's no need to make a song and dance - I'm back, and since you're reading this, so are you. Something I'm grateful for.
Shall we get into the juicy stuff? Yeah, let's!
11 Things You Might Not Have Known About Me
1. I secretly wish I were some type of scholar...
... or that I lived in a library; some type of literary cave. Maybe I could be a Jungian analyst, or devote my days entirely to unpacking the divine feminine. Studying the psyche really, really lights me up.
2. I proposed to Glen
Never mind that I was so nervous that I could barely get the words out.
'Will... will...' I mumble.
'Will I marry you?' he ventures.
He smiles and says 'of course I will' before squeezing me tight.
This is a little snapshot of the day that preceded the proposal. It was his 30th birthday, and he had no bloody clue what I was up to. ;)
Random aside: I was only 23! That still blows my mind - it seems so, so, so young. But hey, when you know, you know.
3. I've never broken a bone, but...
... I sure as hell dislocated my elbow, snowboarding in 2009.
Imagine that for a second - the entire hinge of your elbow separating, sending your forearm in the opposite direction. It took three people (six hands!) to relocate it, which was almost as inconvenient as how awfully I reacted to the morphine. Bleurgh.
4. I'm a real life cyclone!
I cause so much mess and chaos in this house. I'll often get to the end of the day, then look around, and think: What the hell happened here!? It usually takes me about 15-20 minutes to bring back some semblance of order. Another one of my quirks - I don't mind if stuff gets messy, but it can't stay that way too long.
5. I feel most beautiful when...
... I dive under my first wave, I reach the end of a heart-opening kundalini yoga class, I'm listening to Banks with the volume cranked, I'm sipping on tea of a night time with my hair it a pony tail and coconut oily skin, my man reaches for me.
6. I reckon I hit the jackpot with my name. Thanks ma & pa!
Tara means 'star' in hindu, and the widely known 'ananda' in sanskrit means 'ultimate Bliss'. Yes, India, I've felt you calling me for an age. I'm coming, hold your horses.
Also, in the western world, 'Tara' means 'towering cliff edge', and yep, I have a tendency to tower over you petite little 5 foot something beauties. Oh hello down there!
7. But... I dislike my middle name. A lot
Say Tara Rhianne quickly. Doesn't exactly roll off the tongue, does it?
(Mum, what on earth were you thinking?)
8. I am more 'alone' than ever, and more happy than ever
These last few years, I've absolutely made peace with how my nature best thrives.
Quality rather than quantity.
Input before output.
Like many women, I spent a great chunk of my life finding my sense of self through the people around me, and as a result I got incredibly anxious when I was by myself.
At first I was a little disturbed to note that when I dropped my Party Girl identity, my always-present but previously-neglected Introvert revealed herself.
Her company was not welcome. I didn't understand. I didn't know who I was anymore. I didn't know what was important to me... Until I leaned in and started listening.
That bigness I once experienced gets expressed in other ways now. Writing, not wine. Laughing, not lines. Deep, deep love, not loud, late nights.
People used to be e v e r y w h e r e. Now, they are scarce and scattered, and instead of simply filling up space, they are special to me.
9. I'm excited to be a mama
Let me be excited. Too often I hear: Oh, you just wait until you have kids! Or: What you think it will be like is never how it turns out.
That may be true. But please, let those of us who haven't birthed yet hold a vision for ourselves.
Without vision, we perish.
10. This might be a little too much information, but...
... my digestive system knows when I'm not at home, in Burleigh. As soon as I hop on a plane, or take the turn-off onto the highway towards Brisbane or Byron, my stomach starts knotting. Not knots of the nervous kind, either. Cramping, bloating, bubbling. And as soon as I turn my key in the door? Instant relief. So freaking weird (but a clear indicator of how attached I am to this place).
11. I still don't quite know how my book happened
This whole creative process has been one big crazy awesome blur.
And the birth? Due date is next week!
Please - to hear the announcement of when the book has gone live on Amazon and here on this blog, make sure you're subscribed to my newsletter. Scroll below to opt in.
5 EXTRA things you may not know about me (that you'll learn more about in my book!)
1. I once had a high-speed crash
2. I first smoked a cigarette when I was eight years old
3. At 16, I fell in love with my best friend (a girl)
4. Glen and I have been to the ends of the Earth together - right to the gates of hell - a place where a relationship can so easily dissolve. But ours didn't, and today, things just keep getting better and better.
5. I'm TERRIFIED of hoarders!
And now, for the cover reveal! Ta-dah!
With gratitude and humility in my heart, I'm so excited to launch High next week.
I hope she serves you and inspires you tremendously.
It's so good to be back.
PS: What do you think of the cover?
PPS: As you might know, I'm not on Facebook and Twitter anymore (just Instagram), but a lot of people out there are, so if you'd like to share this post with your peeps, you can do that using those buttons below.