Sometimes, I sit in stillness in the sand, looking out to sea, wondering what today might be like if it weren’t for the cumulative change I’ve made over the last few years.
I think to the times I was struck by annoyance, frustration, burn out. My medicine for those states would be a big old bitch-fest, or a six pack of lo-carb beer.
When I felt unloved, I would justify in my mind all the reasons why ‘this is so bullshit’, and I’d wage a mental war with those I deemed responsible for doing me wrong, before becoming flat out exhausted from all the internal wrestling.
When I felt uncomfortable, I would bolt. Speedy exit, here I come.
And if I was resisting and important responsibility or priority, I’d distract myself with the means of food, drugs, over-working.
So yeah, those sandy moments by the sea? They amuse me sometimes, as I remember how self-righteously I used to manage my life. Finger pointing. Escapism. Arms that would fling up into the air with an exasperated sigh when it was all too Hard Basket…
Life’s clearly a little different today, and not because I’ve perfected the art and science of zen (trust me, I am still quite skilled at throwing the odd tantrum). What’s changed most radically is the awareness of my awareness; the presence in me that watches as my life unfolds. Watches, as I sometimes psycho-analyse, and sometimes surrender. Watches, as I sometimes cultivate gratitude, and sometimes fall into the fiery pit of comparison.
In many ways, my life back then – one which was rife with excuse-making and subconscious sabotaging – was much easier.
Without ambition, you lessen the chance of ‘failing.’ Without passion and purpose, you tend to go a little easier on the expectations you place on yourself.
Only thing, is this – I’m pretty sure I didn’t sign no freaking grey ass sacred contract that would bind me to a life of safeness and mediocrity. BLEURGH to that!
I’m here to feel.
I’m here to – yes – scrutinise myself. And not with hard edges; claws out, but with unbounded curiosity and wild wonder.
I’m here to know when to feel expansive and proud and whole, and also, when to tell myself that ‘Tara, this behaviour is unacceptable’.
I’m here to be the fly on the wall of my own life.
All of this is a round about way of putting faith to the idea that we create a life based on what emotional state we’re in.
I’d hazard a guess at what your days might look like if you’re often experiencing frustration, jealousy, resentment, impatience (like I once was).
How might those states influence the decisions you make, and thus the actions you take?
And why is it that joyful people live lovely lives? What’s their secret sauce?
When you’re in a good state – you make good decisions.
So lately, I’ve had a choice. Am I going to be a brat, throw a tantrum and get frustrated at a certain soul project of mine that’s challenging me and stretching me more than ever? Or, am I going to do what I’ve endeavored to do for the last few years of my life – and pull my socks up a little, take a deep breathe, and consciously…
CHANGE MY BLOODY STATE?!
I have incredible passion for this topic, so please click play and we can explore it further. I’ll teach you my totally whacky technique for busting through resistance, too.
Now, this could be one of those videos that you watch and think, ‘Oh yeah, cool’ – but never implement. Not this time!
Your body – your physiology – is the homebase for productivity, creativity, intimacy – so use it! Shift it, change it, move it!
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