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Wounds of My Womb, Part 2: Along Came Layla

#1

It’s May 2015. The sun has set and there is nothing to do tonight but be with each other.

Glen are I are moseying around the house, fluffing about, cooking, talking about stuff that lovebirds who are expecting a baby talk about. Love is in the air. The mood is buoyant. Our baby is coming.

Before long, I’m settled on the couch with my laptop googling girls names (call it Mama Intuition), and when I land on one that feels lovely, I sing it out to Glen, looking for his approval, to which he mostly responds with a flat out no, or vague enthusiasm; none of them feeling quite right to him.

After a while, Glen takes the laptop, scrolling through thousands of names.

‘What about Layla?’ he ventures.

Layla.

It’s a name I’d heard a million times before, but never had I considered that it’d be one I’d name a child of mine.

Layla. Layla Farmer. It sounds so beautiful coming off the tongue, and let’s not lie, I may also be about a million times besotted by the very sight of my wonderful man googling girls names. It’s enough to make any woman melt, I’d hazard a guess.

I smile big and respond with ‘Yep, I love it,’ and then quickly snatch the laptop back off to google the meaning of the name. (Because words and their meanings are lyfe to us word nerds. Holler) What I found gave me goosebumps on top of goosebumps all over my head.

It means ‘night’ in Arabic.

It’s the name of the object of romantic poems written by the 7th-century poet known as Qays.

But it can also mean ‘wine’, ‘intoxication’ and ‘dark beauty’.

#Swoon. A name after my own heart.

That very night in May, we decided we would name our little girl Layla Winter.

(Winter being an ode to the season in which Glen and I met and fell in love. An ode to the snow and the mountains and the adventures in all the countries we’ve travelled to and snowboarded in)

 I started fantasising over the mysterious little soul she would be with a name like that. Taking both her first and second names into account, I fused them to create my own meaning for her: The dark, intoxicating night of winter. I imagined myself writing poetry about her; the meaning of her name reminding me of none other than Rumi himself and his incessant mentions of drinking UP on the divine goblet, filled to the brim with the wine of love. I was so in love with her already for choosing such a beautiful name, full of depth and complexity, through her daddy.

Glen and I listened to Eric Clapton’s ‘Layla’ about a dozen times that night. We danced around the living room and giggled and absolutely beamed at one another.

Layla Winter Farmer.


In Part I of this series, you’ll have read that Glen and I did not carry to full term. Not long after this beautiful night that will be etched into my brain and heart forever, we miscarried. You can read more about that (and connect with the 80+ women who contributed their stories to the conversation) here.

Let’s fast forward now to October 2015. Glen and I have moved from our small apartment in Burleigh, and now live in what we affectionately term The Treehouse, in Currumbin Valley. It’s an expanse of bright green, the freshest and chilliest of air, and the birdsong is suitable to meditate to. It’s gorgeous, and, we’re permitted to keep a dog here. One of the reasons Glen I stopped travelling to 3-4 countries every year was because we were desperate to care for, love and be loved by, a dog.

On October 12, after waking, Glen announces that we’re going to the pound and coming home with our first family member. We’d been holding a space for an animal in our hearts for so long, but mine skipped a beat when I imagined a pup in the back seat at the end of the day.

I felt what I’m sure many, many people feel after they experience great loss — a deep yearning. I just wanted to love something smaller than me. Something or someone that needed me and was dependent on me. I wanted to channel my mother energy in another being.

When we arrived at the Animal Welfare League in Coombabah, we had expectations that we would leave with a puppy who would grow to no more than 20kgs. We were told that there were 3 rows of dogs. Turns out, all we needed was one.

Before I go on, I just want to say that seeing animals in such a vulnerable state is troubling. Imagine if you were to visit an orphanage. That would tug at you, wouldn’t it? Wouldn’t you want to take a child home and offer it love, knowing that that one decision could have a limitless impact on not only the child’s life, but that of the planet?

I felt the same way when I saw those dogs. It almost felt wrong to walk past one without spending a minute or so with it just so I could send it some love and hope that someone would come and collect it soon and give it a loving and nourishing space to be.

I’m not too sure what goes into the process of resonating with an animal. People have oftentimes asked me ‘How did you know that Layla’ was the one. That kind of knowing happens in the slightest fraction of a moment, I am sure it. For us, it happened like this…

I continued to walk past row 1, looking at the dogs, young, old, big, small… most of them were barking a little, or a lot.

When we arrived at the second last kennel, I looked down and saw the sweetest golden being, ‘ordinary’ in overall appearance, but stunning in the eyes, looking up at me, giving me doey puppy eyes. In and amongst all the chaos and barking, this gorgeous one was silent, still, calm. When I bent down to sit at her level, and made eye contact with her, she moved my heart, and opened it softly, and tears started pouring from my eyes. She pressed herself into the cage as if to say ‘Will you love me?’ She poked her nose through the gaps so she could lick our face and our fingers.

Meeting Layla

Hello beautiful. What’s your name?

I need to tell you, that no, we did not in fact name our beloved dog after our unborn daughter. That would be kinda weird, guys.

When I looked up to her details that were clipped onto the cage, I read:

Ridgeback American Staffy X

Age: 2 years

Name: LAYLA.

Yep. I bawled.

You’re coming home with us, Layla. Where’s the paperwork?


I have wanted to tell you that story for so very long. The connection and love we have for Layla can be felt for eons through the webs, I know, because you have told me. Most of the emails and comments I get these days are about Layla and her light and our love.. But hopefully from sharing this little back story, you are able to understand the extra depths of miracle we experienced with her coming into our lives.

She ain’t just a pet. Ready for the cheesiest cliche? She’s our biggest teacher.

She came with Soul Lessons

Beautiful girl

Our Layla was slightly anxious and had a serious lack of social skills. What more could we expect from a stray pup who’d been in a cage for nine months?

We’ll never forget her pacing our home on that first afternoon, checking out all the nooks and crannies, all the smells of this weird new place. It became apparent pretty quickly that Layla wasn’t allowed inside in her last home, and certainly not on the furniture. Dogs are pack animals, they want to be involved. Just like us, they want to feel as though they belong, and we wanted her to know that she belonged inside, with us, that this home and its comforts were hers just as they were ours..

When I patted the couch, encouraging her to jump up on it with me, she gave me these eyes that said: I’m not allowed to do that.

I can’t remember if Glen picked her up and placed her on the couch or if she eventually climbed up herself, but afterwards, second by second, we watched as her facial features relaxed, along with the rest of her muscles, as she truly settled into the couch. It was almost as if she wanted to give a big, emotional sigh. Finally. She passed out from the excitement of the day (listen to me narrating her emotions like I’m some kind of animal psychic. Hilarious) and we continued to stare and smile and cry at her well into the night.

Sleepy girl

Our Family

Socialising her was an interesting process, and if I may, I’d say the one who grew the most out of that process was actually me. Let me explain.

We were unsure of Layla’s history and so the first few beach visits, if any other dogs were around, we kept her on the lead out of respect to them and their owners. Otherwise, she was free to roam and jump and splash and dig and do all those insanely beautiful doggy things.

We realised in the first week that there were certain dogs that she resonated with – they were usually around her size or a bit bigger; dogs that could match her boisterous and super high-energy vibes.

But smaller dogs, particularly fluffy dogs, and dogs that were more submissive in nature, well, our Layla liked to own their ass, often by chest bumping them or offering a nasty-sounding growl, sometimes baring teeth.

This was confronting for us (me), because I felt instantly triggered by the primal need to belong and be accepted. I wanted everyone to love my dog, to accept her just as we had, to think she was beautiful, just as we did, and comment on how divine she was, just as we waxed lyrical.

And yes, those comments came sometimes, but when they didn’t, when people looked scared of Layla, or when they ushered their children away from her (she happens to adore all human beings and is especially gentle around babies and toddlers), or when they’d mumble under their breath ‘Yuck, it’s a Pitbull,’ (she’s not), I felt as though I was copping a boot in the gut; as if their rejection of Layla was also their rejection of me.

I have played the ‘strong, independent, tough’ game my whole life – much to my detriment. I have spent the better part of my late twenties attempting to remember at every corner to soften – and when Layla came into my life, so many of my insecurities bubbled up to the surface. At times, it really wasn’t pretty.

True Love

This Mirror is Confronting

My favourite, pitiful example of this, is when I took Layla to the local pet store to see if she’d be a candidate for doggy care.

Layla hated being left alone, as you can probably imagine. Coming from the pound where there was always some noise, some person, some dog around her, she didn’t do well being left for hours at a time in the deep silence of Currumbin Valley. She’d get incredibly anxious and eat everything, our shoes, our hats, our mattress. She’d break into the cupboard and eat mountains of food. She even howled like a wolf for us when we weren’t there, as we discovered one night. One of us stayed downstairs to listen to how she’d react as the other drove off in the car. It was heartbreaking.

We considered doggy day care for the days when Glen would be working long hours and I’d be interstate.

When Layla and I arrived at pet store, she pulled at the lead and growled at the birds at the cage and her tail was smacking everything on the retail shelves. Absolute chaos.

The owner guided me outside and asked me: ‘Is she going to put the other dogs at risk?’

That was such a jarring question and I didn’t like what the answer might be and so, I…

fucking bawled my eyes out.

Like, I erupted.

It just came out of me, uncontrollably.

I sobbed like a madwoman.

The lady stood there with a raised eyebrow and a hand on her hip, clearly thinking: What a whack job.

‘We just got her… (sniff)… last week, from the … (snot!) pound… and she’s the best thing that ever (gasp!) happened to us but we don’t want to leave her (sniff!) alone, because she gets anxious and I just want the other dogs to (snot!) like her and play with her and …..’

She cut me off. ‘Have you looked in the mirror lately, young lady? You’re beautiful. You’re young. You have everything going for you. You have the whole world in front of you but unless you deal with whatever shit is up there in your head, Layla is going to keep feeling your anxiety come through the lead.’

It took me every ounce of strength not to say the most ridiculous thing that would’ve ever come out of my mouth: ‘But, but, I’m a life coach…’

I can just see her throwing her head back in laughter at the comment. I’m so glad I kept it to myself. But what she said impacted me profoundly.

What if Layla was just picking up on my insecurities, my shadows. What if she senses through all my bravado and is here to show me what it means to be whole?

Layla has taught me so much about authenticity, about wearing our hearts on our sleeves, about flat out honesty of character. When she doesn’t want to be alone, she whimpers, when she’s elated, she almost shakes her tail from her butt, when she’s bored, her eyebrows say ‘Hoorumpft mama! Can’t we have some fun already!? Get off the computer!’ And the love. When she wants to tell us she loves us, she does, and in doing that she brings us both to tears.

Being with Layla became part of my spiritual practice, and I was amazed to see how much of a spotlight she shone on my shadows. Like a fractal that continues to unravel unto eternity, I decided to play with the energy of trust. If I worked on trusting myself more, could I, in turn trust Layla’s behaviour? And alternatively, if I could work on breathing some trust into Layla’s behaviour, could I learn to trust myself more deeply?

#7

Settling Into Her Grace

I don’t remember the day it all changed, probably because it was such gentle transition, but Layla is a different being now. Well actually, you know, she’s not different, she’s just simply settled into her grace. She needed some time, not only to adjust to new surrounds, new parameters, a new family, but trust is something that’s earned, and so Glen and I made of point of showing Layla at every moment that she could trust us.

We left her with a nice juicy bone each time we left the house for an extended period of time, and when we got home, we made a big deal of it. We’d wave ‘hello baby girl!’ with big smiles on our faces and run up the stairs to wrestle her and snuggle her and we’d say, ‘We’re home now, we’re home! We’re not going anywhere for the rest of the night, we promise!’

When she was afraid of the ocean, we would walk in with her, first to the ankles, the shins, the knees, allowing it to take as much time as she needed. Glen was always there to catch her and hold her when she showed struggle or was afraid. He would whisper in her ears ‘I’ve got you honey, I’ve got you, you’re okay’ as they bobbed in the waves. (Bah. I’m crying) And now she D I V E S over the waves and swims a hundred meters out to sea. (Proud mama right here)

For me, the biggest thing was breathing into my own anxiety every time Layla got close to a dog who I thought she’d have a problem with. My chest would tighten up and I’d become rigid and I would just try to breathe into that space and practice trust. Besides, the more she trusted us and our strength and learned that we didn’t need her to protect us, the less she felt as though she had to guard us. ‘Gentle sweetie, go and play with that pup, and be gentle,’ and she would trot on over, sniff its bum, suss is out, and if she liked what she saw, sometimes she’d lick their nose, or bounce around and play with them, or simply trot back to us for a pat.

I don’t have children but I imagine that our experiences with Layla might be similar to that of getting a call from your child’s teacher at school. It’s as though we heard everything from:

‘You’re child is disobedient and irresponsible and is causing trouble amongst the other students.’

‘We’re worried about what might be happening at home. How is your relationship with Layla?’

‘She’s really coming into her own, and is incredibly social, loving and caring. All the kids love her.’

There’s not a day that goes by that I’m not absolutely flawed at the love, light and transformation she has shared with us.

Could Dogs Have Destinies Too?

#8

Layla helped us heal from our miscarriage in 2015.

During our most recent pregnancy, earlier this year (which I will write about in Part III), Layla was my care-taker. I don’t know if I could have endured as much as I did if I didn’t have her and her big, brown, loving eyes looking at me all day, her paw on my belly. Dogs just know, don’t they?

During a ceremony that was held by my yoga community to honour the mother in me, and with those closest around me – those that had witnessed first hand the struggle Glen and I experienced – during such a special and sombre occasion, Layla walked laps around our sacred circle, licking the chops of everyone as they attempted to meditate and pray. In moments where we wanted to cry and feel and acknowledge the grief, instead, giggles erupted as Layla reminded us of all the life that was yet to be lived. Dog slobber brings smiles and laughter to any occasion.

#9
#10

It’s as though her Soul Purpose is to remind people of their infinite light, and to make them smile.


#furbaby is more than just a cute hashtag

I never thought I would the person that spams their pets all day every day. I was wrong. I am.

I never thought I would be the one to talk about my dog every time I catch up with friends or family. I was wrong, because that’s pretty much all I do.

And I certainly never thought I’d be the one who resists the idea of vacations, because it means leaving her; those big brown eyes turned up at me are hard enough to walk away from for a few hours, let alone a few weeks. Recently, Glen and I booked our tickets to Japan next January, which is reason to be mega excited, Japan is our favourite place and it plays home to our favourite food, where we get to do our favourite thing (snowboard)… and so one would think I would be jumping out of my skin about it. Part of me is, of course, but down in my womb, I think about Japan and I instantly ache for Layla. That is some real, hardcore, visceral love there folks.

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#12

An ode to the fur mamas

In the last post, I wanted to honour those that have conceived, loved and lost their babies. Today I want to honour the fur mamas and papas of the house, for all that you selflessly give to a being that can never in so many words, say ‘I love you’ back. We are so blessed to have our animals, and our animals are so grateful to have good homes. Thank you for saying yes to your pet, and for opening your home to him or her. I want to offer double the love to those of you who have rescued an animal from a place less fortunate. That was one of the best things you ever did, and I’m so glad you did it.

If you have lost a child, or are struggling to conceive, I cannot recommend welcoming an animal into your home to love and care for. Layla, who was once that ‘ordinary’ looking dog with the big sad eyes, has transformed into the most beautiful, sparkly, spirited being, and in doing so, has brought so much joy and delight into our home,that oftentimes I find myself asking Glen: ‘How on Earth did we survive before, missing out on all this happiness?’

Thank you for being here and following this journey with me. In the next instalment of this blog series, we’re going to get deep and dark and ugly. (I figured a warning was necessary) I’ll give you a hint. Two words. Hyperemesis Gravidarum.

In the meantime, I’d love to hear from you below – how has your furbaby changed your life? –  and of course I’d be so appreciative of your support in sharing this love-drenched article with your community.

If you’re considering becoming a pet parent, please take the time to seriously consider visiting a rescue shelter close to you. I can’t recommend the Animal Welfare League enough.

All our love,

Tara and Layla xo

#13

Professional photos: Jo Anderson

Ceremony photos: Rhett Strauss from Centre For Life

All other piccies: good ol’ iPhone

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42 Responses to Wounds of My Womb, Part 2: Along Came Layla

  1. Ceri May 20, 2016 at 4:25 pm #

    I have had goosebumps, tears, huge smilies, and just waves and waves of emotion washing over me as I read this. I’ve clutched my chest in one hand and a tissue in the other the whole way. You are a true magician with words, my love. Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly, and beautifully. It’s amazing how animals are so soulful and psychic, and how deeply we can love them. Bug, huge love to you and Layla (and Glen too) xx

    • Bettie March 10, 2017 at 12:17 pm #

      It’s worudnfel to have you on our side, haha!

  2. Marette May 20, 2016 at 4:38 pm #

    This is truly beautiful Tucka. Layla really is yours and Glens knight in shining armour.

  3. Natalie May 20, 2016 at 4:59 pm #

    Oh Tara. The tears, all the tears. It’s 11:45pm here in California and I’m writing this as I lay in bed with my Bailey girl – a 3 year old rottie – by my side while the hubby is at work. I’ve been looking forward to this post. I thought I might shed a tear or two, I didn’t expect a waterfall.

    Your story is absolutely beautiful and miraculous. My story is not the same but I so deeply resonate with the love and connection you share with Layla. I watch you on Snapchat and see myself and Bailey in you two. I’ve always loved her in a way I’ve never been able to give words to and have always viewed her as my greatest teacher. I think of her and the tears come from my heart being filled with immense love and gratitude. Our animals are truly more than just animals.

    Thank you for giving voice to our babies. For putting so beautifully into words things I’ve felt for the past three years but haven’t known how to adequately express. I’m so sorry for the healing you’ve had to go through but am so happy that you were gifted such a little miracle to help you through. Thank you for always writing with such openness, honesty, and authenticity. Give that Layla a kiss for me. I wish her and Bailey someday had the chance to meet because I think they’d be best of friends. Sending you all so much love.

  4. Bec May 20, 2016 at 5:03 pm #

    Thank you for writing this and sharing! BEAUTIFUL! xoxo

  5. Gab May 20, 2016 at 5:09 pm #

    Oh my gosh i couldnt live without my furbabes.
    There will always be a huge spot in my heart for my childhood dog Henry. Not only was he my bestfriend & my little brothers guard dog, but he was the ear and companion to my mum. She has had an extremely hard life, and he was there for her in a way know one else could be. To listen in a way that didnt leave her feeling like she was being pittied, given the same advice on “there are starving children in africa” and so on. He always knew when she was having a “down” day. And stayed with her when she felt alone. I cant even describe the love we all had for him. And how he was there for all of us in his own special way. I cry every time i talk about him! I feel your love for layla, because iv been so lucky to have it too x

    • Gab May 20, 2016 at 11:30 pm #

      I was just traveling with my hubby and fur babies telling him about your beautiful post on layla. And guess what came on the radio? Layla of course! Magical x

  6. Yvette May 20, 2016 at 5:17 pm #

    Sweetheart.

    Every word.

    Oh my heart.

    Love you xxxxx

  7. Kim May 20, 2016 at 5:18 pm #

    Beautiful 🙂 brought tears to my eyes and made me want to give my dogs the biggest hug xxx

  8. Ali May 20, 2016 at 5:23 pm #

    Such a beautiful post Tara. My beautiful furbaby Bella gave me so much comfort after my Mum passed away. I got Bella for my birthday 6 months after everything happened with mum, and she bought so much love, laughter and fun back into my life. She has been by my side ever since. xx

    • Monika May 20, 2016 at 7:56 pm #

      Xoxo I cant wait for Bella and Daisy to hang out together.

  9. Tegan May 20, 2016 at 5:33 pm #

    Beyond beautiful words, reading this made my heart smile at the joy and healing Layla has brought to your lives. years ago when I was struggling with infertility and longing for a baby, I had a coaching session with you, and I clearly remember you telling me not to give up, that you knew it would happen, I feel this for you, it will happen and when it does it will be just as magical as you had imagined.
    I look forward to the next installment of your journey, although I know that in indeed it will be deep, dark and ugly. I suffered hypermesis and it was debilitizing and so f***ing awful, there were many days I struggled to see the positive in anything, it’s so so so much more than morning sickness. Sending you all the love and light in the world xxxx

  10. Alana May 20, 2016 at 5:36 pm #

    Thank you for sharing your beautiful love story Tara! Incredible. We also got our rescue pup Roxy from AWL. They might’ve been there together!

    Great lessons about trust here too. I still am nervous with roxy around other dogs, because exactly as you describe, she is nervous and can bark and growl at other dogs, and it hurts when other pet owners are negative about her. So far I still keep her on the lead all the time, I’d love to trust her more but I am such a worrier!!

    So glad Layla is in your life. Biggest love xoxoxox

  11. Alice May 20, 2016 at 7:43 pm #

    You took me there. So beautiful love.

  12. Monika May 20, 2016 at 8:06 pm #

    Oh Tara, ill never tire of your writing. I love that you have linked human children with fur ones. I actually can hardly imagine life with our old girl Daisy, she will be 10 this year.

    A few years ago we had to witness the incredibly sudden and fast deterioration of our second fur baby, Wilson (you might remember pics of our dalmatian) – he passed when our first human baby was just 2months old. I will never forget the day and my chest feels heavy just writing this. Our precious new bundle of life helped us heal from the loss of our fur boy. My heart still aches for him, it will be 3 years next month.

  13. Veta May 20, 2016 at 9:01 pm #

    So beautiful…I’m raising 3 kids alone and you made me remember that the hard times are a blessing and all the love is most wonderful ..not that i didnt know that before, but your words really deeply resonate with me in the moment x you WILL be a wonderful mum xxx

    • Lidia March 10, 2017 at 1:37 am #

      Short, sweet, to the point, FRlEe-xactEy as information should be!

    • I’m really glad to see your new site go live Benny. Best wishes with the campaign, and wish you and your family all the best.Papua Merdeka!

  14. Lacey May 20, 2016 at 9:23 pm #

    What an absolutely beautiful story! Loved it!

  15. Simone May 20, 2016 at 10:03 pm #

    Brilliant articulation of the power of pets and animals in our lives more broadly. We are all connected x

  16. Lisa May 20, 2016 at 11:11 pm #

    I’m a little stunned and don’t really know what to write. Our story is almost identical in so many ways I’m a little blown away. Thank you for sharing I really don’t know what to say! Usually not lost for words!

  17. jennifer May 20, 2016 at 11:27 pm #

    Love it. Thanks for that

  18. Louise George May 21, 2016 at 12:14 am #

    Thanks you for writing this most beautiful post Tara. I have loved reading about and following your journey with Layla – what a beautiful girl she is and family you are.
    I am moved deeply to tears, as every part of my eternal soul aches with gratitude for my fur baby (Dalmatian), Troy. THE most incredible being, spirit, teacher, friend and family I could ever be blessed to share time with. He has been with my partner and I for 8 years. He was 6 when we adopted him and had already been re-homed twice. I instantly feel in love with his spirit and character and just knew we were the ones to care for him and love him unconditionally. He is now 14 and although in good health, mostly, he has slowed down a lot and has early signs of doggy dementia, so we are enjoying every single precious moment with our best friend by our sides and my heart breaks a little every day to see my retired ‘running coach’ grow older and struggle but we continue to love, live and play and enjoy each day as our family of three; reminding ourselves that the only time we have is now. Now is precious and you’re a great reminder to enjoy every single moment and create more gorgeous memories to treasure for ever. Thank you. xx

  19. Brittany Cochran May 21, 2016 at 12:51 am #

    I have tears in my eyes as I am writing this. There are no words to describe the feeling of being loved by a dog and the love that goes towards your dog. You said it best, there is nothing like loving someone who cannot tell you how much they love you back… they can only show you. My dog is my soulmate, my best friend and life would be so empty without her. She is so in tune with me, unlike anyone else in my life.. You have beautifully found words to describe the feelings of being a furmom. Sending so much love xoxo

    • January March 10, 2017 at 1:27 pm #

      Ademas Mexico esta en lugar 135 de 158 en el indice de Paz de la ONU para el 20&21#8230; y cada vez peor: 121 en el 2011 107 en el 2010 108 en el 2009 93 en el 2008 79 en el 2007 Pero eso si, en este pais se atreven a criticar a los EEUU por las matanzas que se dan en ese pais. Buenos para juzgar los desaciertos de los demas pero pesimos para solucionar los probelmas de casa.

  20. Sandy May 21, 2016 at 2:03 am #

    My son wanted a dog for so long. I did not want a dog. Nope. Never. I am a cat person. Enter Niko, a sable Huskey who teaches me every day about joy. Pure, blissful joy. This dog is so freakin happy about every single thing. I am wholeheartedly now a dog person and Niko is a huge part of my spiritual practice like Layla is to yours. He is love and loyalty. I joke that I asked God for true love in my life and He gave me a dog but it’s also true. There’s a whole other element of my son getting really sick and Niko’s playing a huge part in his recovery. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

  21. Kristie May 21, 2016 at 5:36 am #

    Beautiful and touching…thank you.

    • Kaylee March 10, 2017 at 11:19 am #

      Dang, I was gonna use the Sir Thomas More quote. That one scene should be required viewing by all law students and leghslators.Tie DA's arguments may have carried more weight with the jury if he had spent more time on them and less on TV and prepping for his run for Fla. Atty. Gen.

  22. Katie May 21, 2016 at 6:18 am #

    I love this story Tara! We adopted our fur baby Watson 5 years ago and we’re constantly saying how lucky we were that the stars aligned that day in the shelter. He is the greatest thing that has ever happened to us and we don’t know how we existed without him.

    I completely resonate with everything you wrote. Some of my greatest joy comes from seeing our dog really happy.

    It’s wonderful!

    Thanks for sharing your heart.

  23. Brigitta May 21, 2016 at 9:44 am #

    Okay, I’m crying tears of love and joy! My cats have helped me soooooo much. I’ve always had pets. When my cat, Tyrone, passed away (this was about 8 years ago) I remember distinctly missing the ‘energy of fur’ which I know you’ll understand. He had been sick so I donated his medicine to a local rescue and hung out with the cats just to be around their energy. Not long after that, I knew I had to adopt again. And their personalities were so different from my previous fur babies…Of course they were different! They are totally different spirits! Yesterday, my boys (cats) went to the vet for a check up…Leo (Tara, you actually met him on Skype!) just was hurt and all beat up over the day. I couldn’t do anything but lie on the floor with him and coax him to sleep. He was my baby in need…he’d had a shitty day and felt crappy. Tomorrow…dental work for them both! ugh! I’m already filled with dread and guilt even though it’s for their own good. You’re a mom when you adopt a pet. No doubt about it. It brings up all your shit! And it’s fabulous. I can’t imagine living in a home without the “energy of fur”…unlivable to me. Love to you babe!

  24. Emily Ehlers May 21, 2016 at 12:05 pm #

    Bawled the entire way through this – so ridiculously beautiful. Dogs have a big chunk of my heart.

    I remember when my world had fallen apart and I was staying at my mum and dads. They were away at the time and I felt really alone so I was lying on the couch having a big ol’ blue. Our German Shepherd who was extremely obedient and NEVER came into the formal lounge just pushed the door open, walked in and climbed onto the couch and lay on me like she was giving me the biggest heaviest cuddle. And as I write this I have my little Allen lying on my stomach doing the same. Animals blow my mind.

    So happy for you and Glen to have your Layla.

  25. Lia Halsall May 21, 2016 at 12:41 pm #

    Instead of two-legged children, we have three four-legged children. We acquired our third after the passing of my Mum in 2008. The five of us are family and they fill every little pocket of our hearts. They’re enough, they’re more than enough for those of us who have love to share.

    A beatuiful post Tara. Thank you for sharing.

    Love + Light,
    Lia xxx

  26. Simone Gorman-Clark May 21, 2016 at 7:30 pm #

    Just love you ?
    I was laughing along, crying, heart melting as I read your words.
    It’s been 7 years in June that we have been trying to bring our little one earth side and our fur baby turned 8 in March.
    He has brought SOOO much love to our life that I never thought possible in the most rollercoaster ride of trying to conceive…. I have gone from “no dogs in the house” to “OK dogs inside at night on his mat at dinner” to “ok dogs inside on his mat” to ” ok dogs on the bed when dads away” omg what next “ok dogs in with us” ha ha ha .
    Love love love to you mamma ?????

  27. Elissa May 21, 2016 at 7:45 pm #

    Tara, I don’t have pets or children, and I haven’t been following you for very long, but the story of meeting Layla and finding out her name had me weeping. I had to put down my coffee, set aside my IPad and just ugly cry for a good five minutes before I could continue the rest of this gorgeous tribute. Thank you, so much, for sharing such a beautiful love in such a beautiful way. xoxo, Elissa

  28. Clare May 22, 2016 at 3:26 pm #

    Hello again Tara 🙂 I was in tears reading your story about beautiful Layla. I am so sorry for what you have been through, but so glad that this little love beam is a part of your family now. She is beautiful and those photos are to die for. I commented on your last post to share that my husband and I have lost two babies in the last 18 months- sadly we lost our third baby two weeks ago- an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured. I can’t thank you enough for sharing your story. Thank you so much. Our little (big) fur baby Kimmy was with us before we ever lost a baby, and she has helped me though. I can especially relate to the part of your story about Layla picking up on your energy. Thank you so much xxx

  29. Kylie Anderson May 31, 2016 at 7:11 am #

    So beautiful hun!! I have two cats who my hubby and I adopted from a shelter and it was the best decision we made. They are so loving and gentle. One in particular is my little spiritual buddy, she knows what is going on and is always clearing energy in our home. She was always with me when I was pregnant and followed me around the house like a puppy dog. The love you have for Layla is so gorgeous and sacred xxx

  30. Lucy Taylor June 25, 2016 at 1:30 pm #

    Hi Tara, I’ve been reading this series with utter admiration for your beautiful strength and self-awareness – your story is testament of our ability to heal our hearts with love. Thank you for having the courage to share and reminding us all of this power.

  31. Ebony July 1, 2016 at 7:26 pm #

    Wow! Thank you for sharing this stunning story Tara xx

  32. Fiona August 16, 2016 at 10:30 am #

    Hey Tara, my partner and I had a lot of trouble conceiving too, to the point that we pretty much gave up after three years and lots of help and some surgery. My cat Johnny was hit by a car, and that same day we decided to get a dog, my beautiful hyper fur baby Cado, an australian cattle dog. We said to each other, well, we don’t need to have kids, we can have pets, we can travel, we’ll be ok. I cried and cried and cried, and grieved the lost of the child I wouldn’t have. Wouldn’t you know it, less than 2 weeks after getting Cado, we conceived. My daughter was born 3 weeks before I turned 41. Now I am blessed to have my fur baby, and my amazing human baby. What a lesson in letting go <3 Much love to you on your journey <3

  33. Catherine September 18, 2016 at 12:57 pm #

    Thank you for this beautiful truth. We just came home with our second fur baby from the pound yesterday and she is bringing up so much of the same anxiety in me as Ive never owned a big dog before. Your words calm me and let me know it will be ok. So much love for you and your story.

  34. Kate Dudley November 16, 2016 at 6:37 pm #

    my fur babies make my heart burst and melt and explode from moment to moment, i couldn’t imagine my life without them in it, they truly mean the world to me.. Layla sounds like an incredible little angel that made her way into your lives, i’m so happy u found such a beautiful soul to connect with and to help you heal. xoxo

  35. Arianna Pienaar February 10, 2017 at 8:04 pm #

    Tears. Streaming. Down. My. Face. This post is so close to my heart.

    Marvin has been our knight in shining armour.
    Andre and I haven’t been able to conceive, and whilst I believe in divine timing and all that, I honestly think that Marvin was sent to us sequentially to teach us how to be better humans.

    We too, have struggled with aggression with him.
    I too, have been told that he is picking up on my anxiety and high stress levels. That simple conversation with our dog trainer was possibly the most effective conversation of my life. Who would have thunk it huh?

    He has taught me to calm the farm, and enjoy life for what it is. To PLAY. Something that i seemed to have forgotten to do.

    I can’t imagine our lives without him, and I’m dreading our trip to the Maldives (I feel so silly for even writing that – I mean, who dreads a trip to the Maldives, right?!??) because we’ll have to leave him with a puppy sitter. argh. Oh the pain! the sadness!

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. For ages I felt that I was the ‘crazy Dog-lady’. I tried to run from that label and made excuses but now I have happily settled into being visibly and unapologetically so in love with our pooch. I am honoured to have him as our ‘furry-son’, and I’m eternally grateful to be surrounded by women who feel the same.

    Much love to you honey x

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